Do Those Animals Have Tits?

Thanks to our good friends over at The Denver Egotist we have now experienced yet another example of a "what the fuck" moment....

Star Wars Cabaret

New trend that's getting my little storm trooper all excited.

This new themed burlesque show in Hollywood is brought to you by Courtney Cruz and I couldn't BE more excited (quote Chandler Bing). Star Wars has never looked this sexy...not even when Princess Leia wore that gold bikini. How many times have you thought about putting a brown paper bag over some chicks head...NOW all you'll think about is putting a Storm Trooper helmet on her.

So get your ass out West and watch Storm Troopers strip. That is entertainment I can get behind (ahh, visuals).

New Axe Awesomeness

These ads rule...makes me want to clean up my dirty boy ways.

Porn: The Sports Issue

What would it be like if Sports Illustrated made porn? Picture the infamous swimsuit issue in full nude...hot.

Well, there is a new player in the field of porn, welcome to the scene Jacques Magazine!

They are about to release their "Sports Issue" and the video trailer they just released is making me drool. Checkit:

Jacques: The Sports Issue Trailer, 'Squash' from Jacques Magazine on Vimeo.

Frightened Rabbit Interview

I told you these guys were awesome...just sayin.

Now the fine folks over at GQ are making the same realization (trend spotter anyone). Check out this totally sweet interview GQ writer Steve Heisler did with Frightened Rabbit lead singer/songwriter Scott Hutchison.

It's 6pm on a Friday where you are; I'm not calling you at the bar or anything, am I?
Oh, no. That would have been terrible. I just wouldn't have answered.

Full interview here.

Video for "Nothing Like You"

Men and Beer

I know that I have a tendency to blog about beer quite often. But men like beer...its that simple.

Nobody does it better than the brew mavens across the pond at BrewDog. They make sick beer...double true. Check the latest video which happens to be about their most recent collaboration with SoCal brewers, Stone Brewery.



God I love beer.

Pt:3 Stone Skips Across the Pond from stonebrew on Vimeo.

Damien Rice

This guy (Damien Rice) has a way of tapping into the human emotion that borders on mythical. How does he do it? Who cares...just watch and enjoy.

Zach Galifianakis

You know, that guy from the Hangover...the one with the beard...ya know, Zach Galifianakis (I had to Google that last name in order to spell it correctly). Well, he hosted SNL recently and was perhaps the only shining star in that otherwise dreadful show. Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny since the days of...well, maybe never. But they continue to beat that dead horse each and every Saturday.

I digress. Zach was moderately funny...and oh, he shaved his beard.

Check out his monologue:

OK Go

The band OK Go are better known for their videos than for their music. Crazy, but totally rad at the same time.

Latest and greatest video, "This Too Shall Pass".

Checkit:


Total awesomess.

Speaking of Grooming...

I just caught wind of this ultra-hip and totally bad-ass hair studio in NYC called Three Square Studio. They just rocked fashion week and are quickly gaining a reputation for the best work in the city.

This studio is the epitome of taste and style. I can personally recommend it (thanks Niq). If you're a man who cares about grooming and a man of discerning taste then this is the destination for you. Call in advance, they fill up fast.

Asteroid, Dinosaur, Who Cares?

Its officially conclusive: a huge bad-ass asteroid killed off the dinosaurs. Yep, sure.

Seriously? Are we still talking about this? The scientific community is absolutely obsessed with "what killed the dinosaurs"...but I'm not.

Dude, that was like a million years ago. Are we really putting resources into mass speculation about a cause? Look, if this were CSI that old dude with the gray hair would be telling you to let it go. Some things are better left undiscovered.

What can science do to help us today? Our planet is just about sucked dry of fossil fuels and we'll all probably run out of fresh water in this lifetime...oh good. Get your white-jacketed, glasses-wearing, science-lab-loving ass working on more important things! I need clean drinking water for at least another 80 years...and while you're at it, how bout finding a cure for hangovers? Shit, if the dinosaurs had booze they would have figured out the cure by now....why can't you?

Useless nerds.

Ethan Hawke Witnessed Hit

Part of me is excited (can you imagine seeing someone get blown away) and part of me is somber (dude, can you imagine seeing someone get blown away). I guess I'm not sure how to feel...and from all reports neither did Ethan Hawke.

He was shooting in Brooklyn, NY for his upcoming film Brooklyn's Finest and decided to pop into a cafe with some of the crew to grab a bite to eat. Across the street 4 men in hoods gunned down 2 victims right before their eyes. According to Hawke:

"It's not even a joke... it was a full-blown assassination and they accidentally killed the guy cutting his hair - it was a woman cutting his hair. It was terrible. I stood there, like, an actor in a movie. I kept expecting the AD (assistant director) to go, 'Cut, cut...' The police shut the block down."

Lucky he wasn't hit. Personally, I think the guy is one of the finest actors working today and it would be a shame to lose him. Possible silver lining: he can draw emotion from this experience and use it in his latest film (cause I gotta be honest, it looks like a shitty Training Day II).

Trailer here:

Now See This!

Once in a while I come across some artsy type shit that really knocks me off my feet. I'm no artist but I AM a sucker for visual stimulation (amongst other kinds). Check this piece by AntiVJ...it got me aroused.

Called Tour des Convoyeurs:

AntiVJ - MUTEK 2009 from AntiVJ / Joanie on Vimeo.

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How To Get A Date

We have all wondered at one point or another..."what is the secret formula for scoring with chicks?" Buying books on the subject is embarrassing and I've never seen a how-to manual ever get you in the pants of some drunken hottie.

But thanks to the miracle of YouTube you can now learn "how to get a date with absolutely anyone"! Checkit:

Seriously, there is a whole series of these videos on there ranging in subjects from "how to flirt" to "how to make yourself irresistible to girls". Its like taking online courses for getting laid.

Watch, learn, score.

Shakira at The White House

Well, Bill Clinton had some fat chick performing oral in the Oval Office...and now Obama invites Shakira over for a visit.

Ok, its not exactly the same thing. The hot Columbian singer was asked by Obama to join himself, Vice President Biden and a small group of advisors to discuss the work she has been doing with her organization (ALAS) which tries to fight poverty in Latin America and the Caribbean.

"We agreed that investing in our children is the smartest strategy governments can use to boost economic growth, fight poverty, and promote global security and peace," Shakira said in a statement."

Sounds pretty official...I'm guessing no one was on her knees for this meeting. Though it may be a slight departure from the Clinton days, you gotta admit that President Obama has much better taste in guests.

Brew Wars, World's Strongest Beer

In recent months there has been an all-out-war between two breweries trying to make/market/sell the world's strongest beer. And it comes as no surprise to readers who's side I am on...BrewDog!!!

Here's the short and sweet of it (with videos to fill in the gaps):

1. German brewer Schorschbrau made a beer at 31% alcohol...strongest in the world.
2. Scottish craft beer BrewDog takes that as a challenge and swiftly produces Tactical Nuclear Penguin at 32%.

Tactical Nuclear Penguin (32%)


Tactical Nuclear Penguin from BrewDog on Vimeo.



3. Schorschbrau responds by pumping out a batch of 39.44% and takes it to market labeling it as 40%...which is a bit of an overstatement in the ABV game.



4. BrewDog grits its teeth and produces a 41% called Sink The Bismark that hits the beer world with surprisingly great reviews. This beer rocks.

Sink The Bismarck (41%)

Sink the Bismarck! from BrewDog on Vimeo.

For what its worth...I love BrewDog and everything they stand for. I welcome Sink The Bismark into my life eagerly and you should too. Do it. Find it. Drink it.

Dude, Straight Razors Are Totally Awesome

If you're like me...and I basically assume that everyone is...you have a totally unexplainable obsession with straight razors. Why? I don't know, I just said it couldn't be explained! Jeez.

Straight razors range in color and design but if you're like me you appreciate the old-school vintage style blades. Ya know, the ones that cowboys used to shave and gangsters used to slit throats.

I have never owned a straight razor but if I were going to purchase one I might go here. They have a sick selection of vintage razors to choose from and very detailed pics to help you select just the right one...for, whatever you might use it for.

(Automated Man does not endorse the use of straight razors for murder...just shaving)

Who Would Peek on Chuck Liddell

Its a bloody good thing Chuck didn't look out the window...or whomever was filming wouldn't be around to upload this video on YouTube.

Hey Chuck, why are you naked?

Beer Magazine

It comes in a keg, it comes in a can, it comes in a bottle...and now it comes in a magazine! Beer Connoisseur is officially off the ground and celebrating the release of its second issue with a massive party! Course, its in Austin, TX...but if you're in the area (or looking for an excuse to travel) be sure to check it out.

Full details here.

Charlie Sheen is a Role Model

Yeah...about that.

Charlie Sheen is one of my favorite celebrity train wrecks that somehow keeps on chugging along down the tracks of stardom. His career is in constant state of turmoil yet it never ends...he just keeps coming back and coming back and coming back. I'd love to hate on the guy...but my rubber-necking reality-television-loving self just can't get enough of the guy!

The latest news is that he is voluntarily checking into rehab (yes, again) as a "preventative measure". This comes close on the heels of his most recent domestic problem with Brooke Mueller. What exactly he is trying to prevent is completely unknown. My best guess is jail sentence.

Here is a quick rundown of his most infamous career transgressions:

• Allegedly shot girlfriend Kelly Preston in the arm in 1990.
• Was the only celebrity client named by "Hollywood Madam" Heidi Fleiss in 1994.
• Plead no contest to battery of girlfriend Brittany Ashland in 1996.
• Drug overdose and rehab in 1998.
• Divorced from wife Denise Richards in 2006 and slapped with a restraining order for "trying to kill her".

Look, I'm not saying he is a role model male. But damn, he is something to behold. I can't wait to see what he does next.

Smell Like A Man, Man

Another great spot from our buds over at Old Spice.

Family Guy Answers Palin

You may or may not have seen the recent Family Guy episode where the character Chris dates a girl named Ellen with Down syndrome. Well, while the two characters are at dinner Ellen makes a joke about Sarah Palin.

Well well well, Sarah Palin and her daughter Bristol just couldn't take a joke and immediately jumped at the chance to be in the news...yet again. Ms. Palin's son Trig just so happens to have Down syndrome and so she took aim at Family Guy saying that the show "really isn't funny" and is the work of "cruel, cold-hearted people". Bristol fired away via Facebook calling the writers "heartless jerks".

Get over it you two media whores (and maybe more than just "media"...wink wink).

One person who decided to break the silence is Andrea Fay Friedman, the 39-year-old actor and public speaker that played the role of Ellen on that show. And oh yeah, she also has Down syndrome.

I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska” was very funny. I think the word is “sarcasm.”

In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

Look at that...a talented and educated woman with a sense of humor...who actually has something of value to say. Thank you Andrea for bringing us all back to reality. Family Guy is supposed to be funny, so laugh.

That means you Palin ladies. Here is the clip again if you want to reconsider:

Bigger Package

Hahahaha, this was just too good not to share. What is wrong with the people that approve billboard ads? Did no one see the double meaning here?

Green Screen

Ever wonder how much of what you're watching is special effects? Or, how much of what you're watching isn't actually there?

This is a pretty rad video from Stargate Studios that shows you exactly what you're "seeing".

Olympic Metal

The 2010 Olympics in Vancouver are more than just games. A free outdoor concert series called LiveCity has been scheduled around the Winter Games for fans entertainment.



One of the most anticipated acts was the performance by Alexisonfire, a post-hard-core-metal band originally from Canada. It was so anticipated that the crowd got a little out of control.

A crowd surge that caused a barricade to break at an Alexisonfire performance during the Olympics in Vancouver resulted in 19 people being sent to hospital. The incident occured at the start of the band's set and the concert ended immediately. Fortunately, only one person suffered serious injuries, that being a compound leg fracture. The band was performing as part of LiveCity, a series of free outdoor concerts in Vancouver during the Winter Games.

Shit, one good crowd surge has to go and ruin the concert for everybody. Sorry I missed it.

Here is the video for their hit song "The Northern":

The Northern

Alexisonfire | MySpace Music Videos

Food and Sex

What's better than free food? Hot chicks making out.

Check out the latest commercial from Jack In The Box.

Speaking of Beer

There are stealthy ways to carry beer...and not-so-subtle methods.

Have you seen The Beer Belt? I have actually purchased and used one of these and can tell you first hand how awesome it is. Insulated to keep your booze cold, holds a 6 pack so you can avoid those pesky trips to the cooler at BBQs, a pouch for yer credit cards and a velcro pocket to carry your cell phone. Total dopeness.

Choose from 6 color options (go with the green camo for the ultimate in white-trash chic). Two very-enthusiastic thumbs up from this reviewer.

A Beer Belly You Want

Remember when the Camelback first came out? It was all the rage. And of course, every guy's first impulse was to fill it with beer! And, inevitably you were searched trying to get into a football game with your beer-filled Camelback and it lost its usefulness.

What was a guy supposed to do? Hide it under his shirt and look like a hunchback? I think not!

Introducing The Beer Belly! Dude, checkit. This thing is sick. Its like the stealth ninja cousin of the Camelback...and totally 100% designed for boozin!

• holds 80 oz of liquid
• custom contoured to fit under your shirt and look like a real beer belly
• insulated to hold either hot or cold beverages (but why would you want hot beer)
• bladder equipped with wide-mouth opening for adding ice to your margaritas

If it wasn't totally awesome, I wouldn't post this. As a life-long beer drinker I am finally stoked to put on a beer belly.

(I know I know...you're thinking that only frat boys would resort to this...but secretly, you really want one. Don't be a pussy, indulge your inner frat boy and get yer drink on! I won't judge.)

Don't Be Fat!

Yet another helpful tip to curb your fat ass from getting any fatter (am I joking...I don't know, go look in the mirror and then decide).

Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day!

Why It Works: Water is not just a thirst quencher--it may also speed the body's metabolism. Researchers in Germany found that drinking two 8-ounce glasses of cold water increased their subjects' metabolic rate by 30%, and the effect persisted for 90 minutes. One-third of the boost came from the body's efforts to warm the water, but the rest was due to the work the body did to absorb it. "When drinking water, no calories are ingested but calories are used, unlike when drinking sodas, where additional calories are ingested and possibly stored," explains the lead researcher, Michael Boschmann, M.D., of University Medicine Berlin. Increasing water consumption to 8 glasses per day may help you lose about 8 pounds in a year, he says, so try drinking a glass before meals and snacks and before consuming sweetened drinks or juices.

Seriously, how hard is it to drink water? So just do it and lose some weight.

(disclaimer: if you're offended by this post...then its probably aimed at you)

The Union (will take your organs)

In the upcoming (sure to be blockbuster) movie Repo Men, Jude Law and Forest Whitaker are charged with the task of taking back organs from people who purchased them and fell behind on the payments. Sick plot!

The company that sells these organs is called The Union and has released a series of commercials. Check em out here. This one for deodorant is my favorite.

(oh, by the way...if you purchase deodorant from Automated Man I promise no one will hunt you down to take it back)

How Quick Are You Gonna Get Up

That's what she said!

From the people that brought you "Just Do It" (aka Nike) comes this latest ad spot that broke during the Olympic opening ceremonies. As usual, its sick. How can Nike get you so pumped up? (that's what she said)

Human Chain from NikeSportswear on Vimeo.

Women of the Olympics

Spots Illustrated has released its Swimsuit Edition 2010 featuring Olympic athletes.

Check it out here for videos and photos. So hot!

Who Needs Cash

Cash, green backs, cold hard currency. Forget about it. Outdated. Obsolete. The world is moving beyond cash.

Checkit:

Rolls-Royce Ghost

A car this beautiful needs the proper unveiling. Introducing the world video premiere for the Rolls-Royce Ghost.

I can't imagine driving anything else.

Rolls-Royce GHOST - World Premiere from 12FRAMES on Vimeo.

Cell Phone Novels

Move over porn, there's a new sheriff in town and it goes by the name of novel.

I know that while I'm sitting down on the subway I find entertainment in the form of nudity on my cell phone. But hey hey, times they are a changing. The new trend taking over cell phone entertainment is called "keitai" or cell-phone novels. Catering to a younger audience, mostly teens, this new phenomenon beams a cell-phone story right into the readers handset. What's more is that this systems allows user interaction, readers can give advice to the writer as the story is being written!

Right now its estimated that there are over 1 million cell-phone books and 6 million users. Recently a 15-year-old girl in Japan just wrote a book that sold over 110,000 copies and raked in over $600,000 in sales. Reading is fundamental...and so are cell phones. Look what can happen when you combine the two.

Publishing is fucked...but reading is forever.

Why You're Fat

In an effort to help you shed those unwanted pounds and become a leaner meaner version of you, I will periodically offer up simple tips that will get you big results.

Here is an easy one: don't skip breakfast.

Thats right, I'm actually telling you to eat (not more, but more often).

In a recent study it was found that overweight people skip breakfast. This isn't Earth shattering but well worth noting. Seems like a harmless habit, but missing this crucial meal raises your risk of obesity by a whopping 450 percent! Start your day with some lean protein and fiber—which will jumpstart your metabolism and keep you full. (An egg sandwich is actually a great choice.)

Thats it for now. Listen, learn, live longer.

College

Here's the thing about college. Everyone falls into one of three categories:

1. You are in college and luvin every minute.
2. You went to college and remember luving every minute.
3. You went to college and got so fucked up you can't remember it...but you're pretty sure you luved every minute.

That's it. And you know its true. But it doesn't really matter which category you fall into. The point is, college is awesome. To help everyone re-live it, for only a moment, is new internet rap sensation Asher Roth with his hit song "I Love College".

Checkit:

(Attn: Moms) Help your kid out. He is gonna need the right stuff to gear up for a night like this...or to help him clean up after a night like this. Automated Man has what you need and will deliver it right to his dorm room.

Old Spice...I'm A Man

This campaign is fucking brilliant. I'm sure you've seen the TV spots. But have you seen this latest one. In my opinion...the best yet.

Automated Man will help you "smell like a man"...just sayin.

Henry Rollins: Straight Talker

Who's more badass than Henry Rollins? Jack Bauer...no. Chuck Norris...no.

Infamous maestro of punk lore and modern day television host, Henry Rollins has now taken to political commentary. In his newly appointed role as "resident straight talker" at Vanity Fair he has delivered his first contribution titled "We're Gonna Have A Tea Party Tonight!"

Here's a dig at Sarah Palin:

Then there’s Sarah Palin, who, egged on by other intellectually malnourished “real Americans,” has said so many startlingly stupid things in the last few days, the comedic furnaces won’t be cooling down any time soon! She’s a dynamo of dumbassity! An inferno of idiocy! Yes, Ms. Palin, 2012 is almost in your grasp! Reach for the stars, get a map, find Iran, start another pointless war we can’t afford! Score!

My favorite quote:

You silly grown-ups! The future is hilarious and very problematic, thanks to you. Cheer up! I’ll do my best to track your epic, very public nosedive.

Check out the full piece here.

Robot Unicorn Attack

Thanks to our good buddies over at the Denver Egotist this newly released online game didn't slip past without notice.

I like Adult Swim, I like robots, I like unicorns...sounds like a winner to me. Check this game out, you won't be sorry.

Prom Date Video

So...there has been some buzz around the tubes lately regarding this kid and his very reasonable wish to go to the prom with Maxim Magazine model Arianny Celeste. He's taken a unique approach and created a series of viral videos highlighting his many many fine qualities and all but down on his knees begging for her to go to prom with him.

Normally I'd tear into this high school senior (Connor Cordova) but the thing is...it actually worked!

So check out his video where his swerve, his semi-celebrity buddies and his ridiculous white-boy dance moves manage to create a cocktail that not even Maxim Magazine model Arianny Celeste could ignore.

Remember, prom is just around the corner and if you haven't scored a model date by now its time to deepen your arsenal of tricks. Head on over to Automated Man for the finest grooming products available...no model is gonna go with a scrub.

Andy McKee: Guitar Badass

This guy is effing unreal. I wouldn't even normally share something like this...but he is just that good.

Checkit.

Chiquita Banana

Nothing more phallic than a banana (except maybe this cock rock). But that's not really what's important here.

The world famous Chiquita Banana has decided to tweak their image. Who exactly they are trying to reach is unclear to me...but what is clear is that the new spin they put on their iconic banana stickers is quite captivating.

I'm tempted to put one of these stickers on my johnson. Is that weird? Don't judge.

Playboy Online Casting

Wow. Playboy Argentina has caught the technology wave and is riding it all the way to your computer. For the first time ever, hopeful Playboy models can do a preliminary photo shoot right from their webcam.

A Playboy photographer can give direction and snap shots of women using their computer's webcam. Then the girls can create an online portfolio with the best pictures and submit it for voting. The best will then be selected as the new Playboy cover models.

I love this.

Die Antwoord

I have no idea if these guys are a joke or not...I'll let you decide for yourself. However, I am compelled to bring their (story?) forth for inspection.

According to their own self-description:

Die Antwoord is a lovable, mongrel-like entity made in Zuid, Afrika, the love-child of many diverse cultures, black, white, coloured and alien, all pumped into one wild and crazy journey down the crooked path to enlightenment.

Its a bloody-fierce, hi-energy, techno-rap, ninja-fueled production straight from the streets of Southern Africa.

I bring them to you for two reasons:

1. Their sound must be heard and their style must be seen. Joke or not, I couldn't stop watching. Check the video below.
2. Their website is very entertaining. Check it out here and be sure to click on "secret chamber" for a trippy-ass ride.

This may just be the next big thing. Keep an eye on Die Antwoord.

Axe "Get Some"

The fine minds over at Axe constantly find ways to one-up the male centric ad world. Simple and elegant, this marketing piece brings the message home.

Car Keys or Khakis

This is just hilarious. If you, or anyone you know, is from Boston you'll laugh your ass off listening to this guy saying "car keys" and "khakis".

Check it out at http://carkeysorkhakis.com

Rules are Rules

Perhaps you've been following this mess surrounding Phil Mickelson. In case you haven't here it is in a nutshell...

The PGA made a new rule that prohibits the use of certain clubs with a certain groove pattern. However there is a loophole in the rule that allows the use of certain clubs produced before 1990 (Ping Eye 2 Wedges).

The PGA Tour released a statement on Saturday about the grooves, saying, "Leading up to the implementation, we have been aware that under the USGA Rules of Golf, the pre-1990 clubs would be allowed and that there was the potential that some players might choose to use them. We will monitor this situation as we move forward and under our Tournament Regulations, we do have the ability to make a local rule which would not allow the clubs. There's been no decision made at this time."

Phil and 6 other golfers have chosen to use these older clubs...which is completely legal. Now he is under fire from players, fans, the public in general for "cheating".

According to Wikipedia:

Cheating is an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others. Cheating implies the breaking of rules.

Here's the thing...Phil didn't cheat. Neither did the other 6 players using the clubs. This loophole is open to everyone. There was no unfair advantage in play, nobody lied about using the clubs and not a single rule was broken. He is a highly skilled golfer who had the aptitude to read the rule book and find a way to improve his odds. This isn't called "cheating", its called "playing by the rules". Because after-all, rules are rules.

There is a lesson to be learned here: sports are about winning.

What's In A Nick-Name

Seriously, what's with athletes and nicknames? It used to be that you got a name and it stuck. That was that. No whining, no complaining and certainly no changing it for vanity. If you are allowed to pick your nickname then it defeats the entire purpose of them (I am not entirely sure what the purpose of a nickname is but it stands to reason that one should not be allowed to pick his or her own).

Chad "ocho cinco" made me sick. What a douche. Then a member of my beloved Celtics decided that no longer cared for the moniker "big baby" and now the "flying tomato" himself is unashamedly and publicly renouncing his title. According to most news sources the latter two athletes are looking to the public for help in choosing their new names.

I have a suggestion...anyone who actively promotes change of their nickname should automatically be labeled "douche bag" for a period of no less than 1 year while they think of something cooler to call themselves.

You don't get to pick your nickname...you gotta earn it. Thats just the way it is.

Sincerely,

"Chuck Rocker"

Fat Kids Make Me Laugh

Its true...I think fat kids are hilarious. What's even funnier are the fat kids that live "hard-core". Like this one...



Words of advice: if you wanna get laid, don't be this guy!

Like Mountain Biking?

Let's say you're one of those extreme sport guys. Ya know, the kinda guy that blows paycheck after paycheck on the top gear for every adrenaline pumping sport just in case the wind should blow him in that direction.

Well, if your sport of choice is mountain biking there is one name in bikes that rises to the top: Titus Cycles. They make some of the sickest rides around. These bikes are bomb proof and highly sought after. So, what if I told you that you could get a top-of-the-line Titus Cycle for free?

Here's how. They are launching a "contest" of sorts that launches this month and will roll out in 3 stages.

January 2010: mountain bikers are invited to submit an original Titus tattoo design, plus the size and place they are willing to have it inked, at titusti.com/humanbillboard. The winner, by open vote, will be filmed getting his or her tattoo and, on completion, receive a 2010 Titus FTM Carbon, value: $5170.

April 2010: the first couple opting, at titusti.com/spandexwedding, to be wed in his and hers Titus racing jerseys will get a video of the ceremony and, on completion, a men’s and a women’s 2010 Titus X Carbon, value: $7600 x 2.

July 2010: the first to sign, at titusti.com/rockstar29er, to have his or her name legally changed to "Rockstar 29’er" will, on completion, receive, as ad states, his “namesake,” a 2010 Titus Rockstar 29’er, value: $6265.

Get on it! January is already here.

And here's a video that showcases the Titus 2010 lineup. Sick.